Challenged & Worrisome

August 30, 2012

 

Emotionally: I feel challenged because of the expectations required of me. Also, I feel challenged because of the load I'm carrying both mentally and physically, and I too have expectations of myself I want to reach. My mother recently passed away, and many of the post-passing decisions have been in my hands, and carried out among the family. We are going to go through her belongings this weekend and into the next. I'm also moving at end of September, somewhat prematurely into my boyfriend's house. I see us being happily together, but my morals are rather traditional and if I could have planned it differently, I'd wait until we were married. However, my current roommate is moving last minute, and when I'm going to school full-time and working hardly any part-time hours for work, I'm unable to rent a place for much more than a few hundred a month, and I'm tired of being a gypsy at 30-years old. I'm nervous about moving in as the only guy I've known for 12 years that I've dated previously changed quite drastically when I finally decided to take the same leap, and he became very abusive. I only stayed in that house for 27 days before I moved out.

I'm worrisome because of my overall health. I've been dealing with a lot of neuropathy issues for the past several years that doctors still have not identified. It's quite frustrating and alarming when it's only getting worse. But, particularly today, the doctor found a small mass between two of my bones that they are hopeful is a benign cyst, but have to do an MRI for further observations. Another test . . . another day goes by without answers.