Captivated

October 3, 2012


Emotionally: I feel captivated because I've had some experiences recently that didn't make me feel uneasy, yet not overwhelmed with joy.  I'm pretty confident that my mother is haunting me.  Not bad like you hear in the movies.  First, I know I have been dreaming of her.  Some of it looking back, like watching home videos of us some years back.  At one point in a dream I responded to her not wanting to go with me somewhere and said, "Fine.  I didn't want you to go with me anyway."  And then as I was watching that video of me saying that to her and seeing her forlorn face, in my dream I thought to myself, " . . .and she died a week later."  A separation that waved over me of sorrow.  Lately as I've been awake, I've been having feelings of something tugging on my pantleg or brushing against it.  I brushed it off because it could have been just coincidence - maybe the A/C kicking on, animal hair, or my pants getting caught.  But it's happened about 6 different times in different spots in the house, and in different positions!  At first I thought (or maybe just hoped) that it was my cat rubbing against me - but when I look, she's on the floor sleeping 5 feet away from me.  It sent chills down my spine.  Another night I woke up to doors opening and closing that I thought I had a burglar in my house.  But my cat is sitting next to my head on the pillows all calm like nothing was going on, when usually she would be the first to hide.  I just let it go and went back to sleep.  Yesterday I was doing schoolwork at my desk and just finishing up typing and right in front of me I see my computer mouse back-end lift up so gently and sit back down - like a curious ghost.  I wasn't scared but alot that has been going on surely became validated.  Is it my mom?