Withdrawn

September 29, 2012


Emotionally: I've been noticing throughout my up and downs, I seem to maintain a constant withdrawn emotion.  I know the "trigger" behind this and the things I'm doing to counteract it.  My withdrawal is from my mother's illness, and eventually after her death became more apparent.  When she was ill, the overload from taking care of my own life, and then tackling on taking care of her physically so my father could do things around the house and visa verse, became excessive.  I found that with school, studying, homework, work and making time for family, I hardly had much else to do but sleep (and sometimes go without eating) only at a few hours of my time.  It bothered me that I became reclusive and unsociable.  Friends stopped calling or asking me to do things anymore - it hurt.  But, it's the feeling of "wasting my life away" on duties more than pleasure that makes me feel robotic and cumbersome.  Today, I've become accustom to it that I don't "seek out" the pleasure as much.  And when I get that minute, or that day to be "duty-less", my anxiety heightens because it's been so long to plan for greater things, for instant gratification (like going out with friends or vacations).